Never
by pseudonym blue
Summary: Severus Snape's struggles with his feelings for his enemy, and how he overcomes them. Based off the song 8th Grade, by Pencey Prep.


Disclaimer - I in no way own any rights to Harry Potter or the song that this is based on, and make no money from it. I use them for creative purposes and make no profit from publishing this.

**Also - This is based off the song 8th Grade, by the band Pencey Prep. It would help to listen to it - you may need lyrics - while reading this. **

* * *

Never

* * *

Severus was lucky that he had gotten a seat in the back. His desk was next to Lily's in the back row, and when McGonagall came around to check if they understood the spell, the chances were someone would already have done something wrong, and she would stop to correct them. Though both of these things were fortunate, lately he had been using his vantage point for something else.

He twirled his quill absently, looking up at the second row of desks.

Black had successfully changed his pineapple into a tangerine, and he was aiming to bounce it off Pettigrew's head. Despite his disgust at this, Severus couldn't help but follow the movement of Black's pale wrist while he threw it – and dropped it, the fruit rolling two rows down and stopping perilously close to his own desk.

When Black turned around, Severus was directly in his line of sight.

Black grinned, and his heart stopped. Severus glanced quickly down at the freakish fruit on his desk, digging his nails into his leg in punishment at the sight of his bright-orange pineapple. Flicking a curl of dark hair arrogantly from his face, Black glanced down beneath Severus's desk.

"D'you mind handing me my fruit, Snivellus?"

Severus, who had been gazing at him in shock – he'd just seen a freckle next to Black's eye when he'd moved his hair, and it had distracted him – looked down and then up again, meeting Black's eyes. They were a pretty, faceted grey color. He knew his face was red.

For the first time in his life, Severus was glad when Potter spoke. "I dunno, mate, d'you really want Snape touching your fruit like that?"

His relief drained as quickly as the air from a popped balloon in the second of silence afterward. Then Black burst out laughing, and that it was at his expense and that Black sounded like a dog didn't keep him from being mesmerized. The entire class soon followed suit, and McGonagall had to quiet them all with a glare. Lily rubbed his arm reassuringly, and he ignored her. Black turned around and Severus looked down, wishing that he could have felt any other thing in that moment – anything other than disappointment.

* * *

He hated the way that he sought Black out. He didn't want to, and yet he did, and the result of that emotional collision of excitement and dread had lead to him following Black out of the school that day and onto the quidditch pitch, keeping low and stepping silently. He liked to watch the movement of Black's body as he walked. Really, he was happy to watch any part of him.

Unfortunately, Black whirled around before he even got to see him fly. His face was contorted with fury, grey eyes sparking.

"What in the _hell _do you want, Snape? Are you fucking stalking me, is that it?" Black grabbed him and slammed him against the wall, and between the heat of Black's hands against his shoulders and the pain on his back as he was shoved against the rock, his mind went blank. "_Well?_" Black's fist slammed into his stomach, and he gasped for air and shoved at Black's chest. He took a step back and Severus dropped.

Black snorted derisively. "Do you really think you could get me? Bloody pathetic." He turned and walked away, making sure to kick him before he left.

Once Black was gone he forced himself up and rubbed at his shoulder. There would be bruises there, from Black's hand. It wasn't the first time there had been, but it was the first time that Black had actually touched him while inflicting them. His whole body ached.

He sighed, hating his stupid, irrational crush on Black, hating himself.

_Just like he said, _Severus thought. _Bloody pathetic_.

His hair hung in his face as he made his way back to the castle. Black was already long gone.

* * *

He had created the spell with Black in mind, and finally the time had come to put it to use.

This fight was different from every other before it, because this time there was enough fury between them that they were truly capable of hurting each other. Black had told him where to go, and he, like the lovesick idiot he was, had gone there. The past few nights he had shot awake, his mind filled with images of fur and claws and snarling teeth, of impending death. How had he possibly been interested in Black, how had he been so _stupid?_ Black had tried to get him killed, and, in retrospect, had led to him insulting Lily. Of course, it was his own fault, chasing him that way, his own weakness in the end; but now he would pay him back in turn.

Lily had said he would turn to dark magic; it was a shame that no one else around was so observant.

Black hurtled down the staircase, chasing him as Severus had led him to, farther into the dungeons where the prefects rarely frequented, where he wouldn't be found. He dodged the hex aimed at him and ran out into the center of the deserted room. As he had expected, Black followed.

What he hadn't expected, however, was being hit with something that made pain shoot through his body. He nearly fell, catching himself in time to take Black's punch standing. Blood dripped from his nose; he would have a black eye, but he didn't care; he had a plan, and the adrenaline made him nearly numb, left him buzzing.

He shoved himself off the wall, reveling in the pain as he forced his wrist to make the sharp, jerky movements the spell required as he spat it into Black's face:

"_Sectumsempra!"_

If Black seemed shocked to see him stand, then Severus had no words to describe how he looked when after the spell hit. The jet of malicious purple light hit his chest, and at once gashes opened across it, blood pouring from the wounds. Black screamed, arching off the floor, where blood was pooling. His eyes, faceted grey, were shot wide; he noted how much more satisfying it was to look in them when Black was the one on the ground.

Severus stunned Black and healed him, repaired his shirt and vanished the blood.

He had taken control of one thing in his life, had taken away the power that Black had held over him. Holding it now, he could see why people throughout history had killed for it. He'd never felt anything better than having power, especially the power that Dark Magic had given him.

During the summer he would be able to use it.

* * *

Apparition, now that he had mastered it, came almost as easily as walking. He kept the hood over his head, covering his face. He knew what to do.

Lucius and Dolohov had told him. They had explained the importance of being respectful and silent, when and how to kneel, what to say and, most importantly, not to scream when he was marked.

Severus spoke the words as he had been told to speak them. He knelt and locked eyes with the Dark Lord, black to red, and he imagined how the future would unfold, how much he would progress from where he was then. The dark mark was painful and black, and it represented to him all of what he would be, and the weakness that he would leave behind forever.

_I'll never be a victim again._

* * *

**_Thanks for reading :)_**

**_Author's note- This oneshot is based off the song '8th Grade' by the band Pencey Prep. The italicized quote at the bottom is from this song, and is not mine._**


End file.
